Saturday, July 17, 2010

little blessings

Its nine oclock pm & I just checked my weight. The scale says 134. I honestly don’t even know how that’s possible because I’m on my period AND I’ve eaten at least one meal a day for the past few days. But I’m not complaining. Not by any means.

I had a few sips of coffee for breakfast (9amish) and a six inch turkey with swiss, pickles & mustard for dinner (about 30 minutes ago). No one’s home right now so I may go out for a run/jog and just hope my knee doesn’t dislocate.

My friend who’s out of the country (since he’s my best friend, I figure I should give him an alias. We’ll call him Mike) gets back in fourteen days. I still want to be 125 when I go to the airport to greet him. And I still don’t know when school starts, but I want to be 115 or less by the first day.

Since I’m supposedly (I still don’t believe it) at 134 right now, I think I’m going to liquid fast until I’m back in the 120’s. I’ve lost five pounds in a day before, so its not like it’ll be hard to do. So the next two days will consist of freezing showers, AC turned way up, lots of water and coffee, and lots of movement. I’ll start it out as a two day liquid fast and if I’m not down by the second night, I’ll change it to a water fast.

So I know this sounds bad, but I wanna do coke again. I’m pretty much a legit pothead. I toke all the time & I pop prescription pills sometimes. I’ve done coke a few times and lately I’ve really really really been wanting to get back into it. I know that sounds terrible, but I can’t help it. Its not like an addiction, I just want to. I don’t know how to explain it. When Mike gets home, he told me he’d get in touch with the guy he gets it from. So I guess its just a waiting game.

Think thin, stay strong xoxo.

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