Its 6:30 am and I haven’t been to bed yet. I’ve been reading “Ana tips and tricks” on the internet all night. Trying to stay thinspired. I still haven’t eaten but I did have a cup of hot chocolate at like 4.
Can I just bitch for a minute? Okay. This chick that I go to school with is fat. Not morbidly obese or anything but any Ana would declare her fat. And she pretends that she’s skinny. Like she asks skinny people to borrow their clothes as if they’re going to fit her & she always talks about how much weight she’s losing and blah blah blah. But she ALWAYS begs people for food at school. Like seriously, every fucking day. So I was on Facebook (my real one, not my ana one) and she posted a status that was all “I’ve gotten down to eating one meal a day… Probably not healthy.” And someone liked it and she was like “Thanks for liking my eating disorder!” and it pissed me the fuck off. I know it shouldn’t piss me off as bad as it did, but like seriously? I’m putting myself through HELL and have been for like a year now, the restricting, the fasting, the fucking freezing showers, the midnight runs, the tears cried over numbers, the lies told, the friendships and relationships ended, the personal HELL and she doesn’t know a fucking thing about it and she’s just joking about it like its no big thing. Ugh. It fucking pisses me the fuck off.
But as much as it pissed me off, it motivated me. She’s fucking fat. I want to shed so much weight and show her what an eating disorder looks like. And when I see her at lunch stuffing her fat face, I’ll sit up straight and sip my water like a fucking boss because I’m not weak enough to be a fucking fatass. I’ll show her. Ugh.
Liquid fasting again today. I might even water fast just to spite her. I don’t know. The hot chocolate earlier was AMAZING and I’m pretty sure its low cal so I might make another cup for breakfast and then water fast the rest of the day.
So anyways. I know people say that freezing showers burn more calories and stuff, but I was thinking about it earlier and I’m confused. I have a friend who’s on the wrestling team and when he has to lose a few pounds to stay in his weight class, he sweats as much as possible because the more you sweat, the more weight you lose. So wouldn’t hot showers be just as/more beneficial? Also, at brunch yesterday my mom was talking about this diet book she’s reading and it says that drinking a bunch of water simply expands your stomach and makes you hungrier in the long run. Does anyone know anything that could clear this up?