Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

Its Halloween and I wish I could say I was being a good little ana and steering clear of the food and treats, but I can't. I just pigged out on Voodoo BBQ & a mini-Hershey's bar. BLAH. I was doing really well up until then though. And I figure that since tomorrow's the first of the month, I can take it full on. I dont know why firsts of the month or week have some kind of significance in my mind, as though it will make me restrict and fast better or something, but oh well.

So I'm taking steps to get in the ana-direction again. I'm going to start enforcing my rules again, restricting hard when I'm not fasting, fasting every single day I plan (no excuses). I mean it this time. By January, I will have lost at least fifteen pounds. My ultimate goal is to lose 35 pounds. I will do this, I'll be thin if it kills me.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

its been too long..

and ive slacked. slacked like you wouldnt believe. im back up to 127.1 and that is not okay. starting to fast today; liquids only today and tomorrow and water only on friday. we'll see how much progress that shows and i'll decide what to do from there.

i cannot believe i let myself get so unbelievably faaaaaaat. like, ugh. welll ana is back. for good.
no more slacking, no more "road to recovery" bullshit. im going to get thin or fucking die trying.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

First of October :)

Fall is here! Its my absolute faaavorite time of year. Its so beautiful. Ah! So, I weighed in at 123lbs this morning. I'm still not on track but after the horrible binge I had yesterday, it could be so much worse. So today is a liquid fast day. Water, tea, juice, milk, etc. I'm going to try to stick with just water and tea but we'll see how that goes.

After my binge yesterday, I took a handful of laxatives (12 pills, 4 doses) so I'm not going to school today for pretty obvious reasons. Which means I can spend all day getting thinspired. :D Laawd knows I need it. I still have to be 115 by Monday to get back on track. Think thin, starve on!

12:10pm. I think the laxatives have taken their toll & are done now. Thank goodness. I don't know how much I weigh right now, but my hair is wet so I don't want to get on a scale until its dry. Fasting today has been pretty easy so far and I hope it stays easy until Monday. The last four day fast I did was relatively easy and I lost about 5 pounds with it. So I think if I cut back the liquid calories I'm taking in and burning off more than I take in and all that jazz, I'll be able to get back on track by Monday. The hungry feeling is creeping back in and I love it! I'm not going to waver anymore. I binged twice this week. No more. Fast, fast, fastttt until Monday. Think thin, starve on!

4:30pm. I'm about to drink my second cup of hot chocolate (150 cals, 30 from fat). & other than that, I've had nothing but water and tea all day.

Total intake of today:
300 calories, 60 from fat. Progress, progress.