Friday, September 17, 2010

look who's back

Okay, I’m back. I’m sorry its been so long. First my laptop crashed and it was way too risky to post on the desktop, where my parents could check the history and whatnot, and then I got grounded from EVERYTHING including the computer.

As far as Ana goes, I haven’t really been on my game. I’m back in the 130s. But I’m not beating myself up over it because I “took a break from it” and did a lot of stress eating after a loved one passed away. Tomorrow would be his 3rd birthday and my family is going to spend it together, where I’m sure there’ll be food and I’m going to eat regularly tomorrow, then its back to habit.

Now, onto my venting about personal life:

- About a month ago, my girlfriend told me she thinks she’s developing an eating disorder. She says she never eats. She is pretty skinny, but I know for a fact she eats. As someone who has gone a month without eating, I know what you act and look like if you’ve gone that long with no or little food. And she doesn’t look like it. At all. Why she would lie about that, knowing that I used to struggle with an eating disorder (she doesn’t know I still am, although I don’t consider it a struggle), I have absolutely no idea. It makes me wonder what else she’s lied about. She says she’s a cutter & that if she doesn’t stop, her parents are sending her to Chicago in November but now I don’t even know if that’s true. Part of me doesn’t even think she’s gay, that its just another lie. I don’t know what to do.
- My best friend just got sent to rehab after being released from a mental hospital for wanting to kill himself. I want him to get better, but I want him to stay here. I’m just going to miss him so much. And he’s going to miss my birthday, :/. I know its selfish, but I want him here with me. He’s what makes my life bearable.
- Bryson. He was the cutest, sweetest, smartest, and most beautiful little boy I’ve ever met. Its not fair that he, of all people, had his life taken. Not fair at all. I miss him so much already and its only been a week.
- My parents. They’ve always been really complicated. They got married when I was in second grade, divorced when I was in fourth and my dad moved out for six months and came back. They weren’t together, just roommates who happened to have a kid together. My mom dated other people, and I’m sure my dad too. Last year my mom’s friend moved in with us and they ended up dating. My dad found out and got extremely pissed about it and decided he wanted to try again with my mom so now there’s all this drama in the house and they keep trying to get me involved. Like, my dad will ask me all these questions about what my mom’s said and my mom does the same thing. And its just stressing me the fuck out.

Now that that’s over. Back to business. I’m in the early 130’s right now. I want to be back in the early 120’s by the end of the month. Its going to require a ot of fastung and restricting and I’m going to need help to do so. If you wanna be an ana text buddy of mine, shoot me an email at You can also add me on my ana facebook, or my real one if you have a real one. Just don’t talk about ana stuff publicly.

LiveLoveThinkAna, xoxo