Fast didn’t exactly work as planned. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been & I do have hunger pains right now, so I’ve got something to go off of. I learned today that people are my weakness. That’s what always stops my progress; going out with friends. It usually happens before I even know it has. I’ll just suddenly realize that I’ve been eating normally just to “fit in” and not raise any eyebrows. I realized that in order to make progress and reach my goals, I’m going to have to become a loner. Which won’t be hard to do, considering the fact that I really already am a loner. I have about three real friends and a bunch of acquaintances. I’m not too far off.
Its currently 3:11 am. (any 311 fans out there?) Since I don’t have any plans with friends today, I’m going to fast until 3:30 am tomorrow. Liquids only. I’m a caffeine junkie and I’m addicted to Pepsi. I usually drink like three a day. In a 12 oz can of Pepsi, there’s 150 cals, 0g of fat, & 41g of sugar. Multiply that by three and that makes 450 cals, 0g of fat, & 123g of sugar a day in liquids alone. I know its going to be ridiculously hard, but I’m going to have to cut back on my Pepsi intake. I’m going to have to replace it with water, tea, & coffee. I think THAT’S going to be tougher than not eating, honestly. I just have to remind myself that it’ll be worth it that glorious morning I step on the scale and the red numbers flash: 98. Ambition.
Stomach. Thighs. Arms. Face. These are the things I want to see thinner. I just have to chant that in my head during the day. “Stomach. Thighs. Arms. Face. Stomach. Thighs. Arms. Face. Stomach. Thighs. Arms. Face.”
I really hate being fat. I really hate it. I feel bad for hating it because I honestly can’t stand the way society wants girls to hate their bodies and I am all for “sticking it to the man” and doing the opposite of what’s popular or in, but I can’t help it. I honestly hate my body. Gandhi once said “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I haven’t seen THE world, I only know mine. And the one thing I want to change about my world is hating the reflection in the mirror. So I’m changing it. Plain and simple.
Stay strong, ladies and germs. ThinkLiveLove Ana.