Thursday, May 6, 2010

01: New beginning.

I have this habit.

I'll stop eating for a few days, sometimes a couple of weeks and lose about ten pounds. Then I give up. I'll have money and see a fast food restaurant I just can't pass by or see a curvy girl and think "She's pretty and not skinny. Maybe I can pull it off, too." And I gain back all the weight I lost (and sometimes even more!) And the cycle starts all over again.

I'm done with that. I'm done with this clearly visible belly and these thighs that touch and this chin that doubles up when I pull my head back far enough or these arms that jiggle. I'm done hating what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm done with never being able to find jeans that actually fit. I'm done. I'm going to do whatever it takes to lose 40 pounds and I won't stop until I do. On the first day of school next year, I will be 98 pounds.

I've had a pro ana blog before, ( but it wasn't very serious. This one will be taken seriously. I'm going to record EVERYTHING that goes into my body, keep track of where I am on the scale (how far from my goal I am), and just generally keep it up.

I'm not sure what the point of having an internet blog rather than a physical "Ana Notebook" is. Maybe to give/recieve support and advice from fellow anas? Maybe to give myself a sense of accountability? I don't know. What I do know is:

I am going to get thin or die trying.

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