Sunday, May 16, 2010


I fucked up yesterday. I got to where I'd spend my whole day and immediately, shit hit the fan.

Mom offered me a bag of chips. I ate them without tasting them.
I was offered McDonald's fries. Scarfed them bitches down quick.
I saw a chocolate covered granola bar in my mom's purse. I choked it down.
Then the guilt kicked in.
I went to the bathroom with full expectations of purging the shit but I hadn't eaten enough to do it successfully. So I was fucked.

Then I got home at around midnight and had Burger King. I'd already fucked up, so why the fuck not, right?

That was my last cheat day. I've had a Special K bar already today. I'm about to have a coffee, and I'm sippin on Pepsi right now. After the coffee, nothing but water. Until tomorrow night.

I really hate my fat fucking self. My thighs are ginormus, my gut is disgusting, my arms are flabby, I can't see my ribs, I've got a double chin when I pull my head back, and I can't see the veins in my arms and hands. All my size 3 jeans are too small now. When I run, my thighs rub together and its awful. I just fucking hate myself, my body. UGH.

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