Saturday, November 7, 2009


These past few days have been horrible. Absolutely horrible.

Thursday I went to my mom's office around lunch because the laxatives I took Wednesday didn't have any effect until the next morning, and my at lunch my choices were: eat normally now or eat normally later. WELL FUCK. I decided since more people would see me eating and I'd have more time to burn it off, I'd go ahead and eat then. I ate a ham and cheese sandwich, a bag of chips, some skittles, and some kinda cookie thing. UGH UGH UGH.

Then yesterday, I came home with the most hardcore headache I've ever had. I don't know what the deal was, but I couldn't see straight and it was making my back and shoulders hurt too. So I thought maybe if I ate something little it would help. So I ate half a granola bar. Then next thing I Know, I'm eating half or taking a bite of like everything and giving the rest to my dog. It couldn't have been more than 500 cals, 550 tops but still.

AND TODAY, I ate Chinese with my dad. Two egg rolls and a thing of vegetable lo mein. The lo mein itself was 400-something cals. So I definitely went WAY over my limit. Ugh, :/. I hate myself.

I don't even want to know how much I weigh right now. I've had such a horrible three days. I wish I could throw it up but a.) "C" fucked that up for me and b.) people are here.


I have GOT to get back on track. I cant keep this up. I need to be losing, losing, losing not eating, eating, eating. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Ana, sweet Ana, please forgive me.

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