Day 4 of 24

4:15am. Disappointment. I weighed in at 121.6lbs this morning. I mean, its progress; I'm down three pounds since I started fasting. But my goal was to be 119lbs this morning and that totally threw me off. So after I finish this blueberry/pomegranate juice (150 cals), it'll be nothing but water today and I'm walking for three hours AT LEAST. My calorie intake won't be sub-100, but you can't stop progress. I will admit, I can see my stomach flattening out little by little. But its taking too long. I think I need to restrict harder and fast more often if I want to reach my goal by October 19th. Ugh, I haaaate setbacks :/.

3:10pm. Just got home and I BOMBED on my plans for the day. As I type this now, I'm eating a bowl of healthy request chicken noodle soup (90 cals, 20 from fat) & some crackers. :/. & there's leftover pizza in the fridge that's CALLING MY NAME. I can freaking feeel this binge coming on. & tomorrow was supposed to be my eat day of the week. So blaaah. No food for my birthday, hah. I hate this shit, maan

3:19pm. Ate soooo much. Half the bowl of soup, like ten crackers, 2 cookies, & a slice of leftover cheese pizza. Thank the Laaawd the first binge is over. I'm full for the first time in what seems like ages and I HATE IT. Forgive me, ana. I have sinned(eaten). I need to do some ass kicking workout today to get me back on track. I HAVE to be 119 tomorrow. Have to. I fucking hate myself for this. Fasting starts NOW. Liquids from now until next Monday, no matter what. I'll look at thinspo nonstop and get re-motivated. Fuck this, fuck my fat, ugly self, fuck food, fuckfuckfuck.

**

New Plan (starting tomorrow) :
1: 500 calories
2: 500 calories
3: 300 calories
4: 400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

50 days. I'm sure I'm going to incorporate some more fasting days than that. But I've got a general layout. I will not wander off this path. Its set in stone. I need to regain control. Thin is the goal here and I will get there or die trying.