its 2:30 am, im stoned, and i just succumbed to the munchies. this break has been pretty detrimental to my progress, in all honesty. i mean, its been nice. i've been pleasantly stoned almost all day every day since break started. but i've also been with friends and had to keep up appearances, which means i've had to eat a shitty ton of fast food. soo much god damn taco bell, burger king, and mcdonalds. jesus fucking christ.
and i don't have a scale right now, so i'm going solely on mirrors and the way clothes fit. and not knowing an exact number is fucking killlling me. i swear to god a part of me dies with every bite i take, knowing i'll have no idea what it does to my body. fucking stressful, man. i swear to god its like, when i dont have a scale, id rather fucking not eat and not have to worry about numbers and shit. asdfghjkl.
on a brighter note, i passed almost everything first semester. algebra two kicked my ass. again. but i might be able to do credit recovery and still graduate in may. and next semester, im devoting myself entirely to school and weight loss. i'm definitely still gonna smoke before and after school and before bed and stuff, but i'll probably cut back from smoking with friends. which won't be hard, ever since i started feeling depressed again, none of my friends text or call or even really acknowledge my existence. so that part won't be hard. and t and i broke up yesterday and i'm gonna stay single for a while, so i won't have to deal with relationship drama anymore. so i'm hoping 2012 will be a good year. good grades, a diploma, moving out, and a decent amount of weight lost. that's all i want. yes.
i'm gonna go smoke another bowl and hit the hay. maybe if i can find an affordable one, i'll get off my lazy ass and buy a scale tomorrow. and i may even start making food plans and exercise regimens again. maybe my new years res should be to get more serious. yeah. well, sweet dreams.
i hope you're all doing well & had a good christmas. and here's to the new year; the new us c: