Monday, August 1, 2011

i'm back.

after breaking up with mike, going to rehab, getting kicked out, and partying hard since i was discharged, im now sitting at 133 pounds. this simply will not do. school starts soon, and i'm motivated. i will get thin this year. nothing will stop me.

mike broke up with me while i was in rehab, to date my best friend. i'm not the least bit surprised but it still hurts. so i'm channeling that hurt into motivation to get thin. now that mike can't say shit about how i lose the weight, i'm doing whatever the fuck i want. its my body and i'll do this my way.

my mom is out of the picture completely. she kicked me out & pretty much decided she wants nothing to do with me. which i'm totally cool with. fuck her. i want for the next time she sees me, to be thinthinthin. i want to prove to her that i don't need her.

so here's the plan.
for the first couple of days, i'm going to eat whatever i want as long as its before noon. no eating after 12, at all. then, three hour workouts minimum.
after the first couple of days, i'll go back to fasting like normal.
i want to be 100 pounds by my birthday.
i can do this.

right now, i'm listening to god is an astronaut, sipping a red bull. thinking.
i'm just really sad and i'm hoping that returning to ana's loving arms will make me feel better.
fingers crossed.

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