I woke up an hour late and had a coffee (sugar and cream :/), I don't know how many calories. At school I had a few bites of a cinnamon roll and nothing else. Then I got home.
I think its just routine and I'm not used to doing it any other way; I get off the bus, walk home, use the bathroom, eat. Every single day. Today didn't start off so bad - a little bit of jello. Then I saw last night's leftovers and ate some. And some cheese. And a bag of chips. And a Pepsi.
I'll admit, it could have been way worse than it was. But there is most definitely room for improvement. I want to go the rest of the school year & all summer on nothing but cottage cheese, jello, & salad. Liquid fast every other day.Wouldn't it be great if I could pull that off? I'd lose all my weight, no doubt.
Tomorrow I'm going to liquid fast. (water, juice, milk, coke, etc)
Saturday I might just eat soup at each meal.
Then I'm going to start my cottage cheese/jello/salad diet; liquid fasting every other day.
98 pounds, here I come.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
sigh.
I said it would be my last post on THIS blog and I wasn't kidding.
Buuuuuuuuut I did make a new one.
Follow? :)
http://thin-for-the-win.blogspot.com/
Buuuuuuuuut I did make a new one.
Follow? :)
http://thin-for-the-win.blogspot.com/
01: New beginning.
I have this habit.
I'll stop eating for a few days, sometimes a couple of weeks and lose about ten pounds. Then I give up. I'll have money and see a fast food restaurant I just can't pass by or see a curvy girl and think "She's pretty and not skinny. Maybe I can pull it off, too." And I gain back all the weight I lost (and sometimes even more!) And the cycle starts all over again.
I'm done with that. I'm done with this clearly visible belly and these thighs that touch and this chin that doubles up when I pull my head back far enough or these arms that jiggle. I'm done hating what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm done with never being able to find jeans that actually fit. I'm done. I'm going to do whatever it takes to lose 40 pounds and I won't stop until I do. On the first day of school next year, I will be 98 pounds.
I've had a pro ana blog before, (fatisnotanoption-ana.blogspot.com) but it wasn't very serious. This one will be taken seriously. I'm going to record EVERYTHING that goes into my body, keep track of where I am on the scale (how far from my goal I am), and just generally keep it up.
I'm not sure what the point of having an internet blog rather than a physical "Ana Notebook" is. Maybe to give/recieve support and advice from fellow anas? Maybe to give myself a sense of accountability? I don't know. What I do know is:
I am going to get thin or die trying.
I'll stop eating for a few days, sometimes a couple of weeks and lose about ten pounds. Then I give up. I'll have money and see a fast food restaurant I just can't pass by or see a curvy girl and think "She's pretty and not skinny. Maybe I can pull it off, too." And I gain back all the weight I lost (and sometimes even more!) And the cycle starts all over again.
I'm done with that. I'm done with this clearly visible belly and these thighs that touch and this chin that doubles up when I pull my head back far enough or these arms that jiggle. I'm done hating what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm done with never being able to find jeans that actually fit. I'm done. I'm going to do whatever it takes to lose 40 pounds and I won't stop until I do. On the first day of school next year, I will be 98 pounds.
I've had a pro ana blog before, (fatisnotanoption-ana.blogspot.com) but it wasn't very serious. This one will be taken seriously. I'm going to record EVERYTHING that goes into my body, keep track of where I am on the scale (how far from my goal I am), and just generally keep it up.
I'm not sure what the point of having an internet blog rather than a physical "Ana Notebook" is. Maybe to give/recieve support and advice from fellow anas? Maybe to give myself a sense of accountability? I don't know. What I do know is:
I am going to get thin or die trying.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I've decided
That this will be my last post on the blog. No one reads it anyway, so its not like it matters. But yeah.
I'm not giving up on Ana, herself. Just the Ana Community. I wish you all the best of luck.
I'm not giving up on Ana, herself. Just the Ana Community. I wish you all the best of luck.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Have any of you read Stick Figure by Lori Gottlieb? I'm reading it right now and its pretty interesting. And thinspirational, too. Not like I need any more thinspiration after yesterday.
In my P.E. class, we don't really do anything but we're allowed to walk the track. I don't have any friends in that class but a friend of mine who skips seventh hour all the time was there with me yesterday and walked with me. I usually wear a jacket everyday, but yesterday it was like 100 degrees so I took it off to walk and he was like "Look at your gut! Aww!" and kept like poking my stomach. Then he lifted my shirt and grabbed it. Single most thinspiring thing to ever happen to me, I think.
So now I'm reading as many ana-related books as possible. My goal is still to be 98 lbs on the first day of school next year. The last day of school this year is May 26th. So I've got to keep up the diets, keep up the fasting, and stay motivated. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
I want to know how you all are doing! I hope everyone is staying strong and reaching their goals. Love you all, <3!
In my P.E. class, we don't really do anything but we're allowed to walk the track. I don't have any friends in that class but a friend of mine who skips seventh hour all the time was there with me yesterday and walked with me. I usually wear a jacket everyday, but yesterday it was like 100 degrees so I took it off to walk and he was like "Look at your gut! Aww!" and kept like poking my stomach. Then he lifted my shirt and grabbed it. Single most thinspiring thing to ever happen to me, I think.
So now I'm reading as many ana-related books as possible. My goal is still to be 98 lbs on the first day of school next year. The last day of school this year is May 26th. So I've got to keep up the diets, keep up the fasting, and stay motivated. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
I want to know how you all are doing! I hope everyone is staying strong and reaching their goals. Love you all, <3!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
FUCK FOOD.
i'm so done with eating. i tried to slowly ease into it, tried to be seemingly healthy for people's sake but im done with that. i'm done having panic attacks every time i eat a real meal. im done flipping a shit about being invited to dinner with friends. FUCK THAT.
my favorite band (pretty much my life support) sings: "do you know your enemy? do you know your enemy? ya gotta know the enemy." food is the enemy. im done with it.
98 pounds, here i come.
my favorite band (pretty much my life support) sings: "do you know your enemy? do you know your enemy? ya gotta know the enemy." food is the enemy. im done with it.
98 pounds, here i come.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
down two lbs
but still in the 130s, fuck my life.
i've been restricting the past three days and i think i'm going to start fasting tomorrow.
i have 98 (my goal weight) written on my wrist in sharpie and im going to rewrite it every day in order to remind me of my goal every time i go to put something in my mouth. its working so far.
i'm very careful about combining the ana world and the rest of the world, so:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?ref=profile&id=100000933844597
feel free to add me. :)
how are you all doing?
stay strong, think thin<3
i've been restricting the past three days and i think i'm going to start fasting tomorrow.
i have 98 (my goal weight) written on my wrist in sharpie and im going to rewrite it every day in order to remind me of my goal every time i go to put something in my mouth. its working so far.
i'm very careful about combining the ana world and the rest of the world, so:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?ref=profile&id=100000933844597
feel free to add me. :)
how are you all doing?
stay strong, think thin<3
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